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Howling & Crying

by Melissa K. Jones

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1.
Big Summer 04:28
swat the little bug cleaning its wings on the lip of my mug i wait for you to wake we're late, it's okay thoughts on open road so clear yet untold i feel like i could fly passing by big blue sky i must not be afraid! i must not! you leave to take a walk i'm sitting by the window, watching our neighbors talk she crawls into his lap when were we like that? i must not be afraid! i must not!
2.
i'm playing with the cat pulling a string across the couch i'm staring at the chair where you last sat it's really raining hard today it's really raining harder than it has well who doesn't feel like a teenager in the spring? it feels so wrong to be going to the store without you today somehow i miss your wine and your hiss about the price of grapes it's really raining hard today it's really raining harder than it has well who doesn't feel like a teenager in the spring? and then there are the more obvious things like your voice, and your smell, and you kiss i dreamt that we were laughing this was just a misunderstanding of course you were mine and i yours forever it's really raining hard today it's really raining harder than it has well who doesn't feel like a teenager in the spring? when i go for a walk in the park i watch the couples walking close sometimes they are smiling and sometimes they are fighting oh is love always the same? now i'm playing with the cat i'm pulling a string across the couch i'm staring at the chair where you last sat it's really raining hard today it's really raining harder than it has well who doesn't feel like a teenager in the spring?
3.
swimming in september in the ozark lakes where the horseflies were flying right into your face we splashed beneath the water to get out of the way we were shrieking and laughing like two little kids the next time i'm that happy! the sunset turned the water pink and i think we kissed while our bodies sank we quit our jobs were moving to a new state and you already had your doubts (hmmm) and i already had my doubts (hmmm) the next time i'm that happy! does he love me still or does he love me not? it's been one whole year i still miss what we lost the next time i'm that happy!
4.
5.
was your gift what you'd hoped it would be your birthday meant so much to me we walked to the park eating tangerines the snow was melting beneath our feet we found two sleds some kids had left we rode them down till our asses got wet walking home we were still kind of high i didn't care about the people who were walking on by i could hear the whispers of the things that would soon be alive if i could see the future then, well i'd howl and cry in the end we called it kind treating our love like an old dog dying was your gift what you'd hoped it would be your birthday meant so much to me how i love you in my memory now i've sung it, it can always be in the end we called it kind treating our love like an old dog dying
6.
i wait for the bus to arrive across the street is a drive-thru line i push my foot through the brown stained snow there is a man i am getting to know but when it comes down to it i am better off alone and in silence waking up wrapped in his arms dreams of rivers, songs of alarm i'm riding the bus again to a building downtown forgetting a lunch again, meal of thought of him but when it comes down to it i am better off alone and in silence flying my feathered plane across the country of the sad and uninspired what a love sick fool i was nipping at his heels like a cooped up dog what a love sick fool i was but when it comes down to it i am better off alone and in silence flying my feathered plane across the country of the sad and uninspired
7.
the day was late for her to wake to fry an egg to brew the tea alone again to feed the cat to lay on your back the house was sealed the moment was real and in the air all her own to paint the face to be unafraid to leave the house to live the day alone again all her own
8.
before i go to bed i kiss my little head and whisper in my ear, "goodnight i love you dear" before i go to sleep i count my biggest dreams they're jumping just like sheep i used to think that i knew right from wrong right from wrong right from wrong the little girl i was is crying on the bus she's thinking a new way the little boy named Gus is pissing on the bus he's thinking a new way i used to think that i knew right from wrong right from wrong right from wrong
9.
Here I Am! 04:34
i think messy and that's why i have a bed of unmade blankets in my mind when i asked for you to crawl beneath you said you couldn't till i made them neat when i wake up in the middle of the night untangling my thoughts from my dreams i thought you visited me in my sleep you held me close, and then you kissed my cheek thunder rolls across the lake raindrops hit the windows of this stranger's place i jump at every noise the forest makes if you were here we'd be laughing and feeling safe you don't have to miss me if you don't you don't have to love me if you don't i have so little to be afraid of traveling alone is not a curse with my feet in the water i resolve to think of nothing oh my god, my god here i am! forgive my body as she shivers on land

credits

released October 1, 2021

written, performed & recorded by Melissa K Jones
mixed by Collin Dall
mastered by Matt Ciani
art by Hayley Krichels

thank for listening!! <3 <3 <3

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Melissa K. Jones Denver, Colorado

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